Friday, October 28, 2011


The following is a true account of how my morning went.

Jay wakes me up screaming; he's having a nightmare that a snake is crawling up his leg.  I reach over to grab his hand to give him comfort and plan to go back to sleep.

This is a mistake.

More screaming.  I probably should have told him I was reaching for his hand before doing so; he just assumed it was the snake from the dream.

By this point, getting back to sleep is out of the question, so I decide I'm going to do ten or fifteen minutes of yoga.  Get good and stretched out and all that jazz.

Edie likes this plan.  A little too much, in fact.  Any time my hands got within a foot of the ground, there was an assumption that, yes, I reallreallyreally wanted to pick her up rightthatverysecond.  So fling herself into my hands she does.  I put her back on the bed.  She leaps back to me, unstoppable.  At this point I decide to just let her help out and entertain me.  Until we get to upward facing dog, that is it.  I'm all the way in the floor, and she realizes she can put her paws on my chest and stick her face right up next to mine.  Like, thisclose, y'all.  Then the running in circles happy dance commences, and I know there's no way any kind of exercise is happening this morning.  She's just too dang crazy.

Meanwhile, on the bed, Bailey continues to sleep.  Peacefully.  While Edie is running in circles on the floor, I walk calmly over to my sleepy boy.  I have great plans to gently lift him from the bed and wake him from his slumber.  And then crazy dog jumps into my hands as I'm lifting Bailey, which scares the beejeezus out of him.  So now he's wide awake, too.

I know!  We'll go for an extra long walk all the way down to the mailboxes at our apartment complex.  That'll be fun and Jay can sleep for an extra few minutes.  Awesome.  Except for the part where our housemate's dog is utterly dejected to be left inside and starts mournfully howling when we step outside.  And the part where they stop every few seconds to sniff or urinate on something.  And the part where Bailey poops not once, not twice, but three times, and I do not have enough baggies to pick it all up at this point.  Sorry, neighbors.  I end dragging them back to apartment because the fifteen minute walk has just been TOO MUCH for either of them.

As we approach our sidewalk to get back to our building, a very nice young woman is walking her eighty pound dog.  Who sees my eight pound dog, tucks his tail, and then back away.  Edie low growls at him.  Neighbor dog backs away even further, obviously frightened.  His owner tries to tell him it's okay, and I have Edie a safe distance from him.  But he's immovable.  And scared.  Since he's paralyzed by fear, we have to carefully walk around Neighbor and Neighbor Dog.  Thankfully, neither Edie or Bailey took to their usual barkfests, but Edie just kept with the low growling.  She had that big dog right where she wanted him, and he knew who was boss.  Poor thing.

We go inside, and both dogs proceed to get as close to the housemate's bed as they can.  It's naptime again. I go back in the bedroom, wake Jay up, and we get ready for work.  Two pairs of big, sad eyes watch us leave (housemate's dog and Bailey; Edie is too busy refusing to look at us).

And that's pretty much how it goes.  Not exactly a typical morning, but it definitely wasn't too out of the ordinary.  Wake up in a weird manner?  Check.  Canine insanity?  Check.  This is my normal.

Crap phone pictures ahead...



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